"Love that makes a cup of tea"

Why I’d rather have everyday thoughtfulness than a grand gesture on Valentine’s day

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It’s become common now for companies to ask if you would prefer not to receive communications on any day that might trigger painful emotions, Valentine’s Day among them

“We know this can be a difficult time for some” Tesco wrote the other day with an element of crocodile tears I couldn’t help but feel given their aisles are stuffed, as with other supermarkets, with V-Day promotions.

I think it can be a difficult time for A LOT of people, not necessarily because of some recently ruptured relationship. 

Basically it creates a sense of dissatisfaction. That there’s something wrong with your relationship if you’re not having a romantic dinner or being showered with cards and flowers. 

Or if you’re if not in relationship, it can heighten your sense of being on your own.

What I really resent about V Day is the pressure to be part of it - the enduring anxiety it can generate of not being lovable enough to inspire such gestures. Particularly in younger women whose sense of self worth is often low. 

Some people are natural romantics but not that many in my experience and if they are they don’t need any prompting from the likes of Tesco to express it on February 14th or any other day for that matter.

Personally I’d rather be in a relationship with someone who made me laugh than someone who treated me to an extravagant dinner. Especially as V-Day is the worst night of the year to go out.

Love for me is much more about everyday thoughtfulness and knowing that someone has your back. As Gretchen Peters so beautifully puts it (do listen to this track).

“There is love that makes a cup of tea

Love that loves both who you are and who you want to be

Love that waits for you when you fall behind

That’s the kind of love I hope you find.”

But maybe I’m kidding myself . . . 

Would I really object if a gorgeous guy* - say, Daniel Craig - turned up at the door with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of champagne? 

I suspect I wouldn’t. 

And is that brainwashing or an entirely natural visceral reaction? A bit of both, I’d say.

So how you feel about V-Day? Do you celebrate it or ignore it?

*There’s a great Spanish word for gorgeous which is guapo. Or guapa in the case of a sexy woman. You see I’ve been putting my Spanish course to good use 😉