How to entertain on your own

Without exhausting yourself, breaking the bank or having a meltdown

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Although I am in a relationship which we fashionably refer to Living Together Apart I still spend a lot of time on my own which includes having friends round for meals.

(I do much prefer the idea of ‘having friends round’ rather than entertaining which implies a performative element that I absolutely don’t aspire to. But I’ll come on to that.

Last weekend for example I cooked on two consecutive days. Six of us for Saturday night supper, 5 for a late Sunday lunch.

Those of you who also live on your own don’t need me to tell you that it can be challenging. In fact maybe so challenging that you keep putting it off or decide not to do it at all.

Are your cooking skills up to it you may wonder? Is your house/flat tidy enough? (Never in my case but I’ve learnt not to care, embracing the notion of ‘scruffy hospitality’ espoused by psychologist Oliver Burkeman.)

People don’t come round to judge you - or if you think they’re the type who might you don’t need to invite them. They simply come to hang out with you.

On the downside feeding friends is time consuming and costly. Not just the cooking itself but the shopping, the unpacking, the clearing away and the seemingly endless washing up.

It might - and again I’m going to come on to this - be cheaper and less stressful to buy stuff in, even take friends out if there’s only one or two of them.

Anyway I thought this was worth an article then had a vague recollection I’d written about the subject before which proved to be the case.

Not only that but it included all the tips I’m about to share with you, which I think are still relevant. Interestingly, since it was written back in 2018.

However rather than send you off down a rabbit hole to find it here’s the updated version.

1. Don’t overcater

   Many of us, and it doesn’t just apply to people who are living on their own, have a tendency to overcater for friends. Nibbles as well as a starter. Three sides. two puddings AND cheese. IT’S NOT NECESSARY. Think supper rather than a dinner party or …

2. …invite people to coffee, tea or drinks

   People used to do this more when I was growing up - now we seem to feel we need to give our guests a whole restaurant-style meal. The obvious advantage of inviting them for a shorter period is that it reduces the amount of food you have to make. A homemade cake (lemon drizzle is always a winner) will do or, to make it sound more enticing, invite your friends round for crumpets or cucumber sandwiches. Sunday afternoons are perfect.

3. Don’t feel ashamed to cheat

   In fact ‘cheat’ is entirely the wrong word. Buy stuff in. After all the French do. That’s what traiteurs and patisseries are for.

   

   There are more good ready meals than ever before. I found this apple tart in Waitrose the other day for about a fiver. Just serve it with some thick double cream and a small glass of Sauternes or other sweet wine. (Waitrose has a Muscat de Beaumes de Venise for £9.25, for instance).

   And frankly you’d be hard pushed to make a fish pie as good as Charlie Bigham’s for the price. Serve it with some steamed PSB (purple sprouting broccoli) and a glass of Chablis or Soave. Job done!
   
   (Pouring a well-chosen wine is your secret weapon. Having a website on food and wine pairing I can help you with that 😉)

4. If you’re not a confident cook make something you’ve made before

   Last weekend I made this smoked salmon and spinach lasagne because two of my guests were pescatarians and a Turkish coffee cake - a delicious soft fudgy cake that works really well as a dessert. Both can be made in advance, another plus.

   
   Oh and roast chicken on the Sunday. Everyone loves a Sunday roast. You can probably make that in your sleep.

   
   I used to keep a book where I noted down what I’d cooked for people so I didn’t repeat the same menu, an idea I later dismissed as a bit naff but now feel inclined to reinstate.

5. If you basically enjoy cooking and it’s just a question of summoning up the energy … invite people when you’re inspired to cook anyway

   
   In other words start with the food rather than the people.

   
   You feel like cooking a cassoulet or a couscous? Invite some friends and neighbours round to eat it (often at relatively short notice rather than weeks ahead). Making that decision first takes the stress out of knowing that guests are coming and wondering what on earth to feed them.

6. Accept offers of help

   Back in the day friends would say ‘What can I bring’ and I would say “Noooo, don’t worry.” Now I accept the offer gratefully. Especially desserts which are a faff and which most people (except me) enjoy making.

   
   Even a friend offering to lay the table or, as happened, last weekend, arrange the flowers that she and other guests had kindly brought, managing, miraculously, to find a suitable container for them, is an unbelievable help.

   

   I draw the line though at making my guests wash up - I don’t want to when I go to theirs either - but sometimes friends just take over and who am I to stop them?

7. Don’t stress about glasses, plates and cutlery

   They don’t have to match. You can drink wine out of a tumbler. (Though it’s easy enough to pick up half a dozen glasses from IKEA.) Most of mine have come in ones and twos from charity shops.

8. Pitch in and cook together

   This is such a beautifully simple idea I’m surprised it didn’t occur to me years ago. The reason so many of us get stressed about cooking is that we take the entire thing on our own shoulders. Share the load and it becomes a joy.
   
   As I explained in this post I started a group with some food-loving friends in Bristol to do just that. We plan a meal, 3-4 of us prepare it in the afternoon and their partners and others join in in the evening. The idea is to push ourselves and make dishes none of us has attempted before. We’ve cooked Chinese, Thai, Brazilian, Palestinian, old school French among others and it’s been terrific fun.
   
   Any question that comes up: Is that the right consistency? Do you think it needs some more chilli? … you just ask your fellow cooks. Need a hand chopping and someone pitches in. It’s brilliant.

9. Take your friends out

   The other idea I played with was to take people out rather than host them at home. I tried it back in 2018 as you can see below and it worked really well but it’s obviously more expensive now. Still, it’s maybe an option for a couple of friends to whom you felt you owe hospitality.

   
   Here’s what I wrote back then:

Just think of the time you spend shopping, cooking and clearing up - never mind the cost. Time when you could - and I speak as a freelance - be working.

I tried this last year with two very good cooks and their partners I’d invited and wanted to impress. Well, maybe not impress, that sounds competitive, but treat to a slap-up supper.

So I asked one of my favourite local restaurants at the time if they would do me a deal. We would agree on a menu, we would all eat the same thing (nobody had a food intolerance, happily) and we would bring our own wine (for which we would pay corkage) As it was Friday and they’re good at fish we made it a fish supper. We shared a couple of starters - crab with fennel, apple and watercress and deep-fried skate cheeks, had a spectacular dish of red mullet with a deep flavourful sauce for mains (with chips!) and shared a quince and almond tart to finish.

I’m not pretending it was cheap (£140 + £20 corkage for the five of us) but if you take into account the cost of the ingredients and the value of your time it was money well spent (£32 a head including wine if you haven’t done the math).

You obviously need to negotiate this with a restaurant where you’re a regular - otherwise why on earth should they agree - and pay them upfront so your guests don’t insist on chipping in. (It’s your choice to get someone else to cook for them rather than do it yourself after all.) But as an occasional treat it has much to recommend it not least that there’s nothing to clear up afterwards.

Ok, there’s always takeaway but you can’t pretend pizza boxes, plastic bags and foil containers add to the glamour of an evening.

Even if you don’t live on your own you may face some of these catering challenges so what’s your solution to this dilemma?

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