Should you lend - or borrow - books?
It’s complicated …
A few months ago I lent a good friend a couple of books. He wasn’t in a great place so I thought he might find Philippa Perry’s The Book you Want Everyone you Love to Read, which I’d just read and found clever and insightful, helpful. I also gave him one of the novels I’d most enjoyed last year, Andrew O’Hagan’s Mayflies.
I asked him how he was getting on with them it a few weeks later. He said he’d left them in his car. Another couple of weeks on I nudged him again. And again, two or three weeks later. They still haven’t materialised. They may yet but I’ve resigned myself to the fact they may not.
OK, it’s not a big deal. It’s only a couple of books and we’re certainly not going to fall out over it but it reminds me that it’s not always a good idea to lend even the best of friends books you love or wouldn’t be prepared to give them as a present.
Turns out it’s not uncommon. BBC4’s Open Book has a feature called The book I would never lend. There is even a book called Never Lend a Book You Love to Someone You Only Like by Garrett M Carlson. (I’m not sure I could be bothered to read that. It’s a thought, not a book.)
In case you think I’m being insufferably smug I too have been lent books I haven’t returned. Or even read. I came across a pile the other day. I don’t know that they’ve been much missed but who am I to judge?
Some clearly are. though.
I have a battered much-read copy of Dodie Smith’s I Capture the Castle which I know I should have returned but loved so much I wanted to hold onto it and re-read it. Of course I haven’t. Yet.
I’m more respectful of books that are dedicated or signed - and reluctant to lend ones that have been dedicated or given to me. Like my copy of Maggie O’Farrell’s Hamnet. I’d rather buy someone their own copy then give mine away.
I behaved better in the case of Barbara Trapido’s The Travelling Hornplayer which I stopped reading halfway through when I spotted Trapido had written a personal message to the friend who lent it to me, terrified in case I left it on a bus. (I bought my own copy and am giving hers back. Tomorrow. I promise, in case she is reading this!)
Yet there is real pleasure in sharing a book you’ve just read and know the person you’re lending it to would love. And I do have friends who are avid readers who are good at returning books - in one case when they didn’t think they’d get round to reading it. (Maybe they couldn’t bring themselves to say it wasn’t for them when I eagerly pressed it into their hand.)
There’s a quote from Shakespeare that I suspect applies more to money than books but is still quite apt.
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.”
I wouldn’t be that rigid but maybe ask yourself this question of any given book. Would you feel bereft if it was off your shelf and anxious at the thought it might not come back? If so maybe think twice about letting it out of your sight . . .
What book would you never lend and what book should you give back?
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I personally don't ever lend out books I expect to get back. I do enjoy gifting people books and have a couple choice volumes I've bought many times for various friends. As one other reader said, it's a nice way to share something important to me while also supporting the author (and keeping a copy for myself!).
Such a good question! I keep an ongoing list of books I've borrowed or lent (date and to/from whom) because as well as everything else, it's easy to forget. But in the last few years, I've been very conscious how little most writers get in return for devoting a huge amount of time, talent and energy to their books. So when I love a great book and want someone else to read it, I buy it for them. That way, I can give back to the author and pass the love on and hang on to my precious copy.