Postcard from Umbria

On retreat with The Idler (and a killer poem)

How do you decide where to go on holiday?

For me it generally starts with the place then I work out how to get there, where to stay and what to do. I rarely, as I did this time, embark on a trip where it’s all organised for me.

But at the end of October last year with the clocks going back, the nights drawing in and months of gloomy weather ahead the idea of Umbria in April, seemed particularly appealing.

So here I am in this impossibly beautiful part of the world with the luminous light that is so typical of Italy. Spring is a couple of weeks further on than in the UK, blossom falling and wisteria fading but the still freshly green grass, dotted with daisies, is almost more white than green.

The retreat, as its called, is organised by a magazine and events company called Idler whose raison d’etre is ‘to help people live more fulfilled lives.’

“We want you to slow down, have fun and live well!” they said, promising that we would “read, walk, loaf and feast together”.

Sounded good to me.

There is a in-house philosopher (they actually have a Head of Philosophy), the academic and psychotherapist Mark Vernon and the celebrated poet and actor Murray Lachlan Young who is as talented a performer as he is a writer.

In fact there seem to be several psychotherapists in the group along with artists, writers and academics. Mostly of a certain age. (I’m conscious of the potential for parody - a Ladybird book, maybe The Guardian goes on Retreat. The Marigold Hotel for Hampstead Intellectuals. But I have to admit it’s a tribe I want to be part of.)

Although food is not the point it’s copious. There are magnificent lunches (about which more in due course) and 4 course dinners accompanied by unlimited booze which doesn’t lead to the drunkenness or debauchery you might imagine. Or maybe I just go to bed before it starts …

There’s a full programme of talks, participation entirely optional. “In fact we give you extra marks if you don’t turn up” quips Tom Hodgkinson founder of the Idler and editor of the magazine.

There is a large, beautiful and fiendishly cold swimming pool, a tennis court and a ping pong room.

There are cross-country walks which the less able-bodied are gently discouraged from attempting. “We take the view that if you have to ask you probably shouldn’t” advises Tom’s partner Victoria, director of the Idler Academy. Which makes me feel mildly geriatric but I take the hint.

There is tango - and tango lessons - conducted by one of the waitresses and her Argentinian boyfriend.

Another waitress will give you a massage - no, not that kind … 

There are cooking classes and a wine tasting.

And there is a visit to the frescoes and paintings by the celebrated local 15th century artist Piero della Francesca.

Not much time to do nothing, it turns out but a great way to learn to use your leisure productively. I realise I haven’t really applied my mind to thinking about philosophy or poetry since I was 19.

Mark talks about Dante’s Divine Comedy, Blake* and the romantics. Murray gives a virtuoso performance of his poetry including this gem of a poem on the ethics of desserts I thought you’d enjoy.

Does a meringue have a memory?

Does a meringue have a memory?
Does a soufflé have a soul?
Is there a spark of compassion
in the chill of an Arctic roll?

Does a cream puff have a conscience?
Does a plum duff have a heart?
Does syllabub seek elevation
when others will end as a tart?

Can a trifle be less than outrageous?
Can a pudding be cunning or cruel
A fruit salad decide by consensus
the fate of a raspberry fool?

Can a spotted dick handle commitment?
Can a gateau endure a faux pas?
Will a cheesecake be righteous and decent
or fall to a fromage à trois?

Murray recalls he wrote this around 2011.

Pure joy - as is the week in general - and it’s (fortunately) not over yet …

* You can find out about Idler’s other retreats and their annual festival on their website. And there’s an exhibition of the work of Blake and his contemporaries at the Fitzwilliam museum in Cambridge until May 19th.

This post is free to read but for my insider tips about food, wine and travel you can sign up for as little as £5.